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I'm watching the election crap with astonishment. For starters, there's Trump. The guy has six bankruptcies, three marriages, over three thousand lawsuits against him, a history of sexually harassing and denigrating women, a habit of refusing to pay workers, has bribed at least one AG, AND he won't release his taxes. He courts the New Klux Klan on the Block, his campaign managers have been a woman-abusing rage monkey, a Russian crook, and now a white supremacist with a history of racism, beating women, and every kind of hatred there is.

And then there are the people who claim there's no difference bewteen him and Hillary.

They call her a warmonger, blame her----and ONLY her----for wars, deaths, Presidential orders, rapes, her husband, and.....global warming.

Let's see, what is this called? For starters, it's false equivalence and it's lazy thinking. You just don't want to do the heavy lifting. Hillary Clinton is an extraordinary candidate who's being subjected to a smear campaign that's extraordinary. Trump is a Nazi. You're saying she's a Nazi. To me that says you are at best, lazy, or at worst, have designated Hillary as the repository for all your misogyny. (And it WILL spill over on other women, it's the nature of hatred.)

Trump accuses her of racism---Trump, who refused to rent to black people, Trump, who called for the execution of the Central Park Five.

Then there's Sanders. For thirty years, Sanders has accused women of voting for female candidates because they both have uteruses.

Then there's his refusal to reveal hos taxes-----while demanding Hillary reveal every last little thing. Worse yet was his attacks on her for "superpredator." She was not an alected official. She could not vote for tge bill. Bernie did.

Don't get me started on either Stein or Johnson. They want to be public servants, they say. Yet between elections, neither of these gadflies do anything for the public. They only show up when the cameras start flashing----once every four years. They have no history of service. They have no experience. Stein dogwhistles to anti-vaxx nutjobs. Threatening to vote for them out of spite indicates that you're eager to bash Clinton even though everything people use as an excuse is nothing but Repub propaganda.

The Boston Globe printed a story the other day that typifies the biased coverage.

It was about how, in 2009, the Clinton Foundation (which, as a charity, receives higher ratings than the Red Cross) requested diplomatic passports for a couple of staffers so that they could accompany Bill Clinton. This request was turned down. (Much like other stories of "favors for donations", the accusation is made, but it's never pointed out that that these requests were turned down.)

The Globe's source, Judicial Watch, claimed that Secretary Clinton took an undue interest in these events.

The article does not that that particular incident is when two hostages were veing held by North Korea. It does not point out that as Secretary of State, Hillary would have been remiss in not being interested in an international incident that required the intervention of a former President.

Judicial Watch is a group funded by the Scaife Foundation. I'll wait while you look that up.

Meanwhile, Trump's threats, lies, frauds, and everything else gets brushed off. Every accusation against Hillary is taken as fact. Don't kid yourself that this election involves just one man and one woman. Men have been accusing Hillary (and all other women) of horrible things, and other men (and some women) are eager to believe in those accusations. Meanwhile, when Hillary tells the truth (and she does so almost always) she gets called a liar.

Remember that the next thing some guy interrupts a conversation to whine that women.


starcat books, pumpkins, and oh my!

Here's a struggling little bookstore, trying to keep going. http://starcatbooks.com/2016/08/10/buy-from-us-online/

They sell ebooks and with a little, ahem, tweaking and pulling and stuff, you can read them on anything, and I do mean anything. I have a kindle, for example. Besides, who doesn't love the idea of sticking it to Amazon now and then? It's a legitimate sale, plus it works for all of you out there who hate Amazon or whomever.

As for updates, well, my house got broken into and my bike got stolen right out from under my nose. The guy's been casing the neighborhood for houses that belong to women, asking all kinds of creepy questions, "Are you alone? Do you live alone? Is the man of the house here?" (How did he know that a "Man of the house" would be more merciful than I would be? Huh.) I almost caught the fucker: I ran after him in bare feet for six blocks, and then I realized, "Ooops, bare feet." My feet got all torn up on newly-spread gravel and asphalt, which I didn't even feel when I was running after him. My knee was the size of a basketball. Not pretty.

A few years ago, the theft would have sent me down into the abyss again, because I was just barely climbing to the lip of the exit. Now I'm furious, wondering how I'm going to get a new bike----I'm not supposed to be running, but damn that felt GOOD,----and worried that I will not get the chance at dismembering the thieving little fucker the way he so richly deserves.

I think it has come time to sharpen one of my machetes on the front step.

Oh, AND:


The cop who was helping me yesterday rejoiced at what she called her "last foot chase." The guy had a gun. She was a forty something female, didn't look to be in *that* great shape----I mean, Simon Biles-----but she chased a *much* younger guy down in 80+ degree weather, kitted out in body armor and a polyester uniform, and took his gun away from him without using hers. We chatted. I relayed to her the eerie experience I had just weeks back from Iraq, at the old house, seeing a kid holding a nine mil in the alley, waving it around.

"This country's gone crazy, " she said grimly. I figured I knew where she was heading, and I braced myself for something pro-Trump.

"Everybody's gun crazy," she said. "There's too many guns. Everybody has a gun. It's nuts."


It's that time of year. The morning glories have started blooming.

Unfortunately, I have been doing a lot related to the knee---stitches come out tomorrow!----which has made sitting down at a desk hard, but hopefully with continued improvement, that will change.

This election has left me stunned with horror. Why didn't people see this coming, our children will be asked. If they survive. Why didn't you do something?

Why didn't we, indeed.

I never thought I would live to see a Gold Star father savaged in the press. That day has come.

Later, I'm going to sit down. See you then.

Jul. 26th, 2016

Leg is very swollen. Don't look. Ugh. Have been on phone with idiots at Home Depot, who have decided that no, the phone number I have used for years is NOT acceptible, instead they are going to call a friend in another state to let her know that the non-repair guy is on the way.

I spent forty five minutes on the phones with these twits this morning, and then.....tjey called her again. In Texas. Because she got me a fucking present five years ago. Read more...Collapse )

It is hot, the pain killers make me dizzy, and Home Depot is trying to weasel out of not honoring their warranty because their machine damaged my house.


So I was in the hospital, having surgery. When I'm less drugged, I'll write more. Holy shit, they dumped FIVE different new meds on me, four of which seem to be fairly setious pain killers. Funny thing is, it dodn't rrally start hurting till a few hours ago, after I got home. (I'm typing this in my phone with a fuzzy cat Who Shall Remain Nameless shedding all over, so I'm blaming my typing on...them. Plural pronoun, do you can't identify the culprit. Hah!)

I managed to change the sheets on the daybed before toppling over. The upstairs of the house is COOLER than the downstairs, or was, before I hoisted open some windows. (I'm not allowed upstairs for a few days because I have THREE incisions and THREE sets of stitches. Apparently letting my stumble around for SEVEN months on what the VA called a "badly-torn" meniscus is NOT a great idea.

I have to keep an eye on the windows because Fred hates squirrels the way I hate Cheetohitler, and I'm pretty sure the feeling would be even worse if he was tiny amd stole my strawberries, in addition to being a of a person.

So. I should be writing more. I'm goung to be laid up for a while, so it's that or God knows what.

The Stanford rapist has a friend

Honorable Judge Aaron Persky,

It was with great sadness that I read the news about Brock Turner, and the horrible situation that he was involved in. It came as a huge shock to me.

Brock has been a peer of mine since elementary school, and was a very close friend of mine for a few years in high school. He dated one of my very good friends, [name removed], around the same time. In those years, he was always very respectful of everyone. Teachers, classmates, friends, and girls, all alike. He is one of those people that no one has a problem with, and is pretty much good at everything. We all knew he’s swim in the olympics one day. His family is a very respectable family in town. I also know his older sister, Caroline. They all seem like such good kids brought up by two very cool and grounded parents. In all honestly, if I ha to choose one kid I graduated with to be in the position Brock is, it would have never been him. I could name off 5 others that I wouldn’t be surprised about. Brock is such a sweetheart and a very smart kid. I never once caught him harassing anyone, verbally of physically. That would have been out of his character.

It’s pretty frustrating to see the light that people are putting him in now. It used to be “swim star” and now it’s like he is the face of rape on campuses. It’s such a false way to put it. I cannot believe it. I’ve thought a lot about it, and from different angles. I tried to accept that maybe he did intend to harm this girl, but I just couldn’t imagine that was the case. I know rape is a very sensitive subject, for everyone, and especially women. I am not backing it up or making excuses, but there is absolutely no way Brock went out that night with rape on his mind. I think he went to a party and was drinking, like almost every student at a university does, and was flirting with this girl, like he said. The woman recalls how much alcohol she drank, which was a lot. She was no doubt about to black out if not already. I’m sure she and Brock has been flirting at this party and decided to leave together. Just as they did she passes out, which after that many drinks, anyone would. At the same time, Brock, having a few too many drinks himself, is not completely in control of his emotions. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that alcohol increases emotions and feelings. I think this is all a huge misunderstanding. I think that the bikers who found him did the right thing by keeping him there in case he was attempting rape, but that after the investigation, it should have found Brock to be innocent.

Brock is not a monster. He is the furthest thing from anything like that, and I have known him much longer than the people involved in his case. I don’t think it’s fair to base the fate of the next ten+ years of his life on the decision of a girl who doesn’t remember anything but the amount she drank to press charges against him. I am not blaming her directly for this, because that isn’t right. But where do we draw the line and stop worrying about being politically correct every second of the day and see that rape on campuses isn’t always because people are rapists. It is because these universities market themselves as the biggest party schools in the country. They encourage drinking. I think it is disgusting and I am so sick of hearing that these young men are monsters when really, you are throwing barely 20-somethings into these camp-like university environments, supporting partying, and then your mind is blown when things get out of hand. This is completely different from a woman getting kidnapped and raped as she is walking to her car in a parking lot. That is a rapist. These are not rapists. These are idiot boys and girls having too much to drink and not being aware of their surroundings and having clouded judgment. I’m not saying that is every case because I know there are young men that take advantage of young women and vice versa, but I know for a fact that Brock is not one of those people. He is respectful and caring, talented, and smart enough to know better.

Attached is a photo of Brock I took in high school. He has always had that huge, loving smile on his face. The caption is even “d’awwww” because he was always the sweetest to everyone.

I appreciate you taking your time to hear about my past with Brock and my opinion on the matter, and I hope you consider what I’ve said when looking into the sentencing. I would not be writing this letter if I had any doubt in my mind that he is innocent.

Thank you again,

Leslie Rasmussen
It's that time of year, you know the one, where I start sadistically
taunting people with berries.

A short play, based on current events

Woman: A man did something terrible to me
Society: you lying whore.
The man: I totally didn't.
Society: oh, you poor dear, that lying whore is being mean to you.
Woman: here's proof, (because a woman accusing a man of anything means she's a liar) in the form of witnesses, photos, video, plane tickets, etc., etc.,
Society: Wow, you faked ALL THAT STUFF? Also, obviously, you must be a devious scheming bisexual, because bisexuals exist only in porn movies, as bunny boiler villains in shitty misogynistic thrillers and as fodder for the threesome fantasies of straight men.

The End

There's a LOT of women attacking Amber Heard on the basis that Depp never allegedly abused Paradis, who was not half his age and had her own millions. Never mind that on June 11th, 1994, OJ Simpson had never murdered one of his wives, either. And don't talk to me about how the cops "didn't see anything" when they were called to the Depp condo. Bruises take time to form. Batterers, morover, are skilled at NOT leaving marks. Also, given that cops abuse their families at far higher rates than the general public, the chances are good that Heard had an almost fifty/fifty likelyhood of summoning another abusive man to her house when she called the cops. Nobody ever mentions that. Do you think a wife-beater is going to sympathize with an abused woman?

People are calling Heard a gold digger for asking for spousal support. Apparently they don't know that in California, you have to ask for that in the beginning or lose all chance of getting it, ever. Any good bargainer would tell you you always start out higher. Given the number of white guys defending Depp whose movies I hope get bootlegged out of existance---Paul Bettany, who it seems os dimb as a post; Tery Gilliam, who turned out to be a straight up misogynist, and some asshole named Stanhope, who doesn't deserve female companionship EVER again---Heard's career is essentially over.

Being accused, credibly, of raping ANYBODY in Holywood? "Oh, you poor oppressed white man, here's some Oscars."

Accusing a white guy in Hollywood of rape (or anything) "You lying whore."

Of course, OJ isn't white, but he worked really well for white guys on Hollywood who needed that "black friend." Cops came on police calls and left with autographs whole Nicole documented her injuries-----and OJ learned what he could get away with. Where's this arch liberalism I keep hearing about? When it comes to women, Hollywood turns Republican. Kind of funny, too, how many supposedly traumatized white men act out their trauma not by, ypu know, attacking anybody---- in situations where they're at a disadvantage like say, with a big huge cop right there----but only in convenient locations where the numbers and tge situation are all to their advantage.

And I don't CARE what the mom of Polanski's victim allegedly did. For one thing, if it comes from Polanski apologists, fuck right off. Secondly, he's an adult. If he can't manage his dick, he needs to lock it up till he can. Ahem.

People call young women like Heard gold diggers. Older guys like Depp don't get labeled. He pursued a much younger woman. He knew what he wanted. He got it, too. Why am I supposed to feel sorry for this guy, who's one step removed from the predators who buy desperate Eastern European women, secure in the beloef that they can get away with anything? He wanted a young girl. He bought her. He doesn't get any sympathy from me.

Heard reportedly had cold feet about the marriage. It turns out if you look at old pjotographs, you can see her with old injuries, the sort of thing you get when you're scratching at somebody to try and free yourself.

Abusive guys often resort to breaking things or.....trashing hotel rooms, as a threat to the victim. Often they threaten pets. Often, they carry out those pets. Heard asked for a TRO for one of her dogs.

The narrative that Heard's a gold digger subtly suggests that it's okay for poor old Depp to beat her up. People are attempting to use her sexuality to the same end. That whole "love, honor" thing? Yeah, I'm pretty sure bi folks can read. Straight guys are projecting again.

One of the more infuriating defenses of Depp, in its utter brain dead ignorance, was by Paul Bettany, who claimed Depp was always nice to him. Well, of course he was, you moron. Guys like Depp don't even beat up ALL the women they're romatically involved with. Some of them, though? Guys like Depp believe in alibis. A few women, but most of all, other white guys. Women might get the charm at first. Some women. There's no more effective alibi that one of those "You're not like other women" Cool Girls. Depp seems like the type to cultivate LOTS of those.

Abusive guys are NOT out of control. The really crafty ones never abuse in public, before witnesses, leave marks, or behave the same with everybody. Other guys are human beings; women are just private punching bags, pieces of uppity furniture. How dare that table take offense at being used like a table, goes these guys' thinking. The *woman* is the one not doing *her* job, so it's okay, even necessary, to punish her. Welcome to the twelfth century.
Hey, look what I found in my garage! I wondered where that went. I'll just spread it out on the bed, it'll be.....

Five seconds later.


How many little green strawberries do you see?

I dug out my French shopping basket to take rhubarb to the VA. It's a big basket, at least two feet long. It was full, too. When I brought it back home, though, it had been picked clean.

The strawberry plants are laden with little green strawberries now. They can't be picked till they're ripe, alas, but that makes waiting for them like Xmas.

I promised my cousin P some strawberries for his help this winter. There'll be buckets of raspberries, too, and I haven't even built my raised beds. I did start some seeds on the porch....and I planted tons of morning glories.

Stop me before I start talking about shovels.
He just looks so happy.

I put my first sprig of lilac from the bush I planted in my window.....and
now the aroma of lilacs just fills the room. Oh. My. Gawd.

Fred does not approve of.....you.

I really, really, REALLY want to find a teeny Egyptian pharaoh headdress
to put on Fred.

May. 17th, 2016

Look at this chunky monkey.

If you refer to Hillary Clinton as a warmonger, a bitch, a Republican, or evil, YOU are the problem, not her. She is nome of those things. She is a female politician who has been subjected to thirty years of vile attacks by Republicans. No, she will not be indicted. And if you justify some of this by claiming she was a Republican "in the Sixties", you need to take a good long look in the mirror. Clinton was thirteen in 1960.

All of these attacks testify to the fact that Clinton is being subjected to a far harsher standard than is Sanders. Remind me again when MSNBC convened a panel of women to criticize Sanders' cankles, his clothes, his hair----and his wife. Sanders knows this or should. If he does not, he is not fit to be President. If he does and uses it----thereby encouraging his vicious little followers----then he is not fit to be President.

In Nevada, the Bernie fans didn't trouble to learn the rules, didn't show up prepared, and when informed that the rules applied to them, they shouted "Bitch!" at Barbara Boxer. Then they demanded the rules be changed to benefit them. This is apparently what justice looks like. I have some arrogant little puppy on facebook right now, boysplaining to me that his sexism is totally new and exciting "not-sexism", because that would be inconveniant for him. Another smug asshole keeps threatening women with a Trump administration because we won't vote for their idol. "Look what you made me do" is abusive in any setting, and that's all that #Bernieorbust is. Extortion is what a lot of fake male feminists do to women when they want to be given all the attention of all feminists, everywhere. You know what a real male feminist does? He doesn't look for excuses to become a Republican, and he doesn't threaten to give up because we weren't his cheerleaders. Yeah, we don't need men carping at us, thanks. Go talk to men. Go talk to men who think that a man calling a woman a bitch backed by thousands of years of murder and rape isn't sexist because a feminazi once wouldn't let him pay for dinner (though he made it clear she better put out) or wpuldn't let him hold the door for her. (That woman also gets abortions at eight months, three weeks, and six days, when she's not ripping doors out of mens' hands. Call her Mary Celeste, the Flying Dutchwoman of ghostbitchez, eternally roaming the land, searching for doors to slam and dinners to scam.)

You know how you can tell a Hillary voter from a Bernie fan? I'll vote for him. His fans will not bote for her. The fact that they have to build her up as evil says it all. If she's evil, Machiavellian, devious, cynical, greedy, a corporate shill, a warmonger, then Bernie isn't just this mediocre old white radical who's like every guy ever who promises to do chores around the house and never does, and his fans aren't spoiled little white boys. No, if Hillary is evil, Bernie's mantrummy fans become victims and Bernie becomes a brave crusader.

But if Hillary is just a competant and (badly-attacked by Repubs and people who *need* to hate her)politician and woman whose opinions evolved over the years, then Bernie's brats aren't victims any more than Bernie himself isn't another career pol with little to show for it. It comes down to a practical woman who just won't bake cookies, who knows exactly what people are saying about her, and who knows how to compromise, because that's how adults work, versus a guy who might have good ideas....but ideas don't protect womens' rights and dreams don't let transgender folks use the fucking bathroom of their choice.

There are pure people in the world who would never deign to go to war, to do this or that. Funny thing is, wars happen anyway. You can wish for peace, love, and happiness....or you can fight when you must, and stop it when and where you can. That's realism.
I got out my old reel mower and mowed some of my back "yard." I assess yards in terms of how many 4x8 raised beds I can put up, so at the back of my house, there's space for at least two more beds end to end and maybe one beside on the right, and two side by side to the left. I didn't actually much want to mow the lawn. I did it anyway. That would have been impossible five years ago.

Then I transplanted some lillies of the valley, dug out my mower-sharpening kit, and threw in a couple of loads of laundry. Yesterday I mopped the kitchen floor and part of the dining room. Cleaning is therapy, especially when you consider VA therapy. Every time I get my hands in the dirt, I feel better.

Might not be good news tomorrow. I think that toe is infected again.



So there's this.

I'm trying to get my surgery set up. I was racking up six, seven thousand steps a day without even trying. You'd be amazed how many steps it takes to sweep and mop just one room.

The big news is.....I got on a bus. By myself.

There's a wonderful hardware store near here. The manager is a woman and they have a store dog. (ALWAYS patronize stores with store pets. ALWAYS.)

After some test runs with a VA staffer, I developed some panic attack mechanisms. The buses are new; they're fueled by a combination of eco-friendly fuels. They're built differently. They don't rattle. Plus I realized that one ride that I thought took at least twenty minutes.....took only two minutes. That's another coping trick.

With panic attacks, I sometimes can fake myself out by just doing something without planning or preliminary. Plus cold weather helps.

So.......it helps if there's a reward at the end, and that reward was this hardware stores. I LOVE hardware stores. Crack, man. Pure crack.


I looked at saws, tools, bird feeders.....all kinds of great things. But I had to take a cab home because I got wiped out. The cab driver tried to get me to reduce the tip, but I like to give big tips, because....just because. Also? He made me laugh when we got into a discussion about the differences between IUDs and IEDs.


I went out and limped over to my raspberry patch to trim back the growth. I was going to do more, but my knee started to stiffen up and my hands were full of raspberry barbs. Today's all rainy and Shadow is exerting a terrible amount of pressure to snuggle in bed----he grumps at me, then lays his scarred Hapsburg-like underbite on his chin and looks dejected. When I lay down, he shoves me around till my arm is at the best spot to serve as a head rest. Watching him adapt to treats----to the point where he goes into paroxysms of enthusiasm when I bring out the treat container is a gratifying sight, even if he is a chunky monkey now. After all those years as a literal alley cat, scrawny and starving, I'd say he's earned it.

Tomorrow I finally have an MRI. That'll be four months after the initial injury, so who knows what good it'll do. The local VA is dealing with a misappropriation scandal right now, involving workers who directed funds for veterans, apparently, to their own accounts, while they diverted their actual job duties to lower-ranking workers. I'm shocked.

Warmer days mean nightmares and halluctinations, even here, but the yard draws me out. I'm hoping to recover the ground I lost with the knee injury. There is nothing like a Minnesota spring, where one day the branches are bare, the next they are covered with leaves, and the trees seem to cast lacy green shadows everywhere. A screened-in porch is not a luxury, but a necessity.

I just don't have gossip. It seems like I'm constantly struggling to get any sleep at all, then get back to sleep when the nightmares wake me up.


The men who don't ask

I posted this on Facebook, where you cannot do italics, and I don't have the time to change the capitals to italics right now. So frickin' annoying.

Boy, there are A LOT of guys who are REALLY determined to call women liars about rape. Crosses all population markers, ages, what have you. They are VERY invested in screaming that bitches lie about rape, along with obsessive repeating of ITPG. Funnily enough, women are never ITPG. Ever. All it takes for a woman to be damned is for any random dyde to say bad stuff about her. But these guys never get defensive and angry about....insurance fraud. Or burglary. "Doesn't have the stigma of rape," say these dudes, as they call convicted rapist Mike Tyson oppressed or tragic or....stuff they never call women. Women are liars and men suffer tragic fates, like getting book deals, long sports careers, and the commiseration of their buddies, who no doubt nod sorrowfully over "crazy bitches."

I can only conclude that they are so defensive because they have guilty consciences. The FBI ----and EVERY reputable organization---has found for forty years that at most 8% of rape accusations are "unfounded". That doesn't mean false. It could mean the cops are lying assholes. It could mean the cops are rapists themselves. It could mean the rapist was a non-secretor or wore a condom. It could mean a whole bunch of things, but what it boils down to is, 92-98% of women are telling the truth about rape. 2/8% of men who claim they were "falsely accused" are telling the truth, maybe. That means 92 to 98% of men who claim that they were falsely accused are....rapists.

The funny thing about these twitchy guys, though, aside from the fact that they NEVER scream "INNOCENT TILL PROVEN GUILTY" about any woman, EVER, is that they *avoid* research like the plague.

It reminded me of a recent Captain Awkward column. Guy friend had once been told, "No, not interested in that way," by female friend. Totally awesome guy, too. Then he invites female buddy for visit. Keeps filling her glass. Then he starts feeling her up, groping her, getting into bed, refusing to stop. She had to physically remove herself before he backed off. But he never ONCE asked.

Because he ALREADY KNEW. She'd refused him already. He didn't ask because she'd told him no months earlier. "But she didn't say no" now ought to feel really damned sinister.

And these guys, who promote the bigotry that women lie about rape, they NEVER look up the studies, the research. Just like that guy who didn't ask.

They know. They know what the answer is already. What kind of man promotes the idea that women lie about rape? What kind of man
benefits from the idea that women lie about rape?
Well, fuck, my phone is dying, probably out of exhaustion. Luckily, I insured it so replacing costs me $5. Aaaaaaarrrrgh. Still.

I want a new fucking knee. If I take ALL the pills, the pain is....better. Problem is, I'm a wuss. That stuff knocks me out.

I deal with crap by moving furniture and doing massive piles of laundry. Or scrubbing. Scrubbing is VERY good. But I find this knee business personally offensive. I feel like my knee has betrayed me. I always treated my knees well, and this is what they do to me? (Or at least one of them, that is.) Well, at least, I treated them better than, say, my ankles. If this were a movie, my knee would be taking the role of the whichever character is addressed with, (very melodramatically) "You BETRAYED ME!" I'n not sure what that says about MY role in all this. Does this kind of make me the villain? I'm pretty sure my knee should be the bad guy here. I'd be the trusting ingenue, except, well, I left "ingenue" somewhere in LA about (coughcough) years ago.

And you know what? I am totally sober while I type this, even as I imagine my knee acting like Peter Lorre in "Casablanca."
Ugh. I don't think the cortisone worked. The knee is back to being just as painful as always, and yes, I have stayed off it except for trips to the bathroom and to the feed the cats. It feels swollen but doesn't look that way. It's very weak and the pain level is pretty high.

I am losing my mind. I can't sweep or mop. I can't lift weights. I am stuck, and it's driving me bananas. Sigh.
I don't know why, I just doubt Jezzie's commitment to exercise

The VA strikes again

So, for those of you in the cheap seats, the VA likes to do this thing where they periodically fuck with you. In my case, they first blew off my panic attacks---for years, by which time they had turned into agoraphobia. If I can't get to the VA, I can't get treatment, and that's when things get really ugly, because they do things like threaten to cut off my medication. So medically professional!

Well, they're doing it again. My transportation is being cut off. I refuse to take cabs or otherwise be jerked around. These are supposed medical professionals who blithely expect patients to, what, exactly? Give one's self exposure training?

Or they'll threaten to cut off my medication. You know, the stuff for the agoraphobia and panic attacks. And then they demand without it I somehow magically get to the hospital.

Words cannot describe how much I hate these fuckers.

Alan Rickman died

Oh. God. He was only 69!

Keep your religidick in your closet

I did not sleep last night, thanks to knee pain and a doctor's appointment today. So I am cranky.

I beling to a bunch of rescue groups on facebook. These groups solicit for "pledges" for animals that are on the shortlist for euthanization or need medical or something, or to organize transport. Animals whose adoption fees are paid are obviously a lot easier to adopt out than ones with fees attached.

(One of my pathetic loser white boys stalkers used to try and taunt me by claiming he belonged to an organization that kills feral kitties, because that doesn't make him look like a future school shooter or anything. Nothing's more pathetic than a loser white guy who has all the advantages of being a white guy in America, but is still so utterly mediocre that he can't do more than get shitty jobs, inflate his resumé, and rage against women for wanting to take his "vidya.")

So. Anyway.

So people in these facebook groups pledge money or share the page around till an animal gets enough donations so that they can be adopted or whatever medical treatment they need is paid for. Simple, practical process, right?

You always get people who either say they're praying or that they're sharing "with prayers." Worse yet, you sometimes get people who do the whole prayer right there in feont of you, usually at least a paragraph and often including something like "in Jesus' name amen." Based on my own highly-unscientific study, these people are NEVER the ones offering actual money. Never. Or any other kind of material support whatsoever. People note that they shared so the rescuers know how far it's spread. That's fine. But this?


I fucking hate these people.

For one thing, they clutter up the process. Are you donating money? Sharing? Maybe you had a pet who once also looked like a loser bet, but turned into a wonderful cuddleball? Great. I love reading success stories.

But prayers? Prayers do no fucking good at all. However, the people who pull this seem to think they do. Do they want credit? Do they feel guilty? Because if they posted, "I went and hugged my own kitty/put out extra treats for the feral I feed/whatever" I would totally get that. That's coping and an animal, somewhere, benefits.

But prayers. Partially this is because I absolutely love the bit in the Bible about "praying in your closet." And I hate the flashy assholes who are so frickin' ostentatious about it all. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. (I mentally replace "door" with "mouth."

Then again, I think religion should not be a fucking threesome: you, your god, and your ego. Praying in public is a lot like masturbating in public or sending a dick pic. Did I ask (as in 'request', a useful substitute word for this phrase) for this? If I wanted to address your shortcomings, I'd make a request. Notice how different "Ask for it" and "Request it" are here? Think of other discussions where this could be a useful switch. Anyhoo. Still. I don't get the way guys think their little friend's abrupt appearance will be welcome, unsolicited. Penises look like some weird kind of turtle without a shell. Did you lose your pond, little feller? Should I toss it into a nearby creek?

Likewise, just because you're in love with your best friend down there doesn't mean anybody else will be. Dicks require introductions before you can really appreciate them. Let's face it, genitalia in general does not look like it was designed soberly. Why not put it someplace easier to reach? Then people could reproduce without complicated Twister-like manuevers. How about USB ports? (Although the hair things in "Avatar" were.....weird. Accessible doesn't have to mean flapping around in the breeze.) Can you tell I'm sleep deprived?

Anyhoo, though, religion seems to me to be an intimate issue of morals. The more moral you are, the less you do it for praise or publicity. In fact, such things are incredibly tacky. Who are you doing it for? If there's a photo op, well......

Look at Jimmy Carter. The guy has been building houses quietly for decades, but the press has to make an effort to search him out. He's too busy....building houses.

I once read a devastating article about the reality of those "charitable" missions to Africa or wherever. The writer talked about the goofing off, the coffee breaks, the way they had so little training in construction that the villagers had to quietly demolish the missionaries' work every evening and replace it with their own.....Another missionary got slammed when she arrived in Nairobi and discovered it was a sophistocated, cosmopolitan city, not the mud huts she'd imagined. She was not happy. What's the point of helping people who don't make for good photo ops? (And who are very different from one's self, perhaps, in skin tone---so as to serve, perhaps, as a human passport stamp?)

One of the things I loved about the Army was the feeling of putting aside's one's self, one's life, to help other people, whether it was processing Cuban people for immigration to the US, or trying to get toys for Iraqi kids. Nobody will know. There will be no medals, no commendations. The most you might get is seeing a guy working the fields he now owns, or driving the new (old) taxi he uses to pay for his daughter's school. That guy, those people---that's what we sll should be doing, but if you're three cans of tuna away from your next payday, nobody's going to criticize you for needing to take care of yourself.

I don't think it's guilt, either. Everybody has seen the regretful, "I wish I could,"----and understood. These "prayers" resemble "thoughts and prayers" to me, but less harmless. "Thoughts and prayers" take the place of the gibbering that would happen if people tried to put their emotions into speech following another gun massacre. Ostentatious prayers are pretending to help, while spending neither money nor effort, and in fact, looking for attention.

People just don't need to know. As Mother Jones said, "Pray for the dead. Fight like hell for the living."

Get fighting. Get doing. Just anything but talking about it.

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