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Absolutely nothing, that's what. So why do we apologize for them?

"Oh, I'm happily married but...."

"I take birth control for medicinal reasons......"

"I'd never have an abortion myself....."

Slut is a throwback to the idea that a woman is nothing but her vagina, and her value decreases with the amount of sex she gives away free. If you buy into that shit, you're endorsing various primitive and arch fundamentalist religions all over the Globe, that view loss of virginity before marriage to be a sin, and sometimes a crime worthy of death.

Abstinence only classes teach that condoms don't work, that you get used up the more sex you have----but only for girls!----and that boys will be boys. And, asshole, if you try that thing where you claim that slut applies to men, you're too stupid to live.

A slut is a woman who has sex freely and flouts the conventions. A slut is a woman that married women blame for breaking up their marriage, like she wasn't married to the guy, not the other woman. I always think about this when I encounter women who are constantly taking time off from work to do this or that for their kids, too. Where's the hubbie? Why isn't he doing it? Why am I a party to their marriage?

Slut is a really bewildering term that has essentially no value as a descriptor. Does she bounce checks? Kick puppies? Set fires? Listen to Rush Limbaugh? Some women may sleep around as a sign of low self esteem or just because they want no strings sex, but for eons, the threat of pregnancy out of wedlike or a time when the father couldn't be her spouse kept women cautious. Of course, only in very rare circumstances were men punished when they sought sex from women who had a lot to lose, if not everything. Sex was seen as the act of dirtying up a woman, unless she was your wife, in which case the sex was boring.

The label of slut leaves a woman defending herself against a charge that can be devastating. The only other option seems like it's to protest the exact opposite but this only plays into the notion that women have two speeds: slut or virgin. It's a mistake to use this framework, obviously. Say you're a slut. Embrace the label. Don't talk about numbers, talk about 'what the fuck is wrong with you, jerkwad?"

The same thing goes for the other two. Say it: "I use birth control because I don't want to have unplanned pregnancies." Of course some people think you shouldn't fuck unless you want babies, and you shouldn't fuck outside of marriage. You can see how closely these go hand in hand for some people. Rush Limbaugh would make a great stoning committee member for punishing alleged adulterous women. Even though he didn't finish college, he's still got numerous material advantages over your basic Afghani tribesman, who suffers from a lack of education, nutrition, information, and often times, hope. That means there's no excuse for anybody to buy into this shit.

Last but not least is the dreaded, "Well," pause, I'd never have an abortion myself but that's okay for other people." This is endorsing the idea that abortion is bad. It's not. It saves lives, keeps families planned, and gives women freedom from the burden of constant pregnancies. There's nothing wrong about it all. I don't think it should be safe, legal, and rare. I think it should be safe, legal in every way that women need and want, and as often as necessary, for whoever wants it. Some people should not have kids. The notion that women are naturally mothers is bullshit, forced on women by patriarchs who found a way to make women feel both incredibly guilty and insecure. I'm not even going to pander to morons by saying---as I had to to the yuppie moms at Feministe----that critiques of social views of motherhood have nothing to do with mothers themselves. I sense that some of the moms there are 'you homewrecker!' type in a lot of situations, if you know what I mean. Why? Beats me. Maybe---like the moms who used to have to take lots of time off for their kids while their hubby didn't do squat----they're afraid of arguing with the hubs. Maybe it's easier arguing with other women----and if they invoke motherhood the right way, they can make childfree people look bad. Nobody goes around telling guys they need to have kids or they won't be real men.

There's a lot of other things that the fundies think is shameful, but these people think sex itself is shameful. If they had their way, people would be celibate entirely before marriage, fuck only to have kids during marriage, then abstain once reproduction was no longer possible. And women would have as many babies as they could, at least until it killed them----and if they were good white Xtian women. (Do I need to put a sarcasm tag here? If so, this might not be the blog for you.)

So I'm a slut. You know what? That word doesn't have any power over me. "You're a slut, ginmar."

"Yeah, and?" or

"Your point?"

These sexist words are held in reserve to use on women, and in some cases they have real power over women, or their reputation. Whenever possible, though, embrace them. Pulls the rug right out from under the asshole. Well, hell, they whipped out their secret weapon and the bitch effortlessly deflected it! Now what?

"You're a bitch."

"Aw, that's one of the nicest things anybody's ever said about me."

"Yeah...and?"

"Thank you!"

"Er.....so? You're an asshole. I wouldn't have to be a bitch if you weren't such a dickdropping."

"OMG, you're a baby killer."

"You betcha. In fact, I'm not even pregnant, but I'm going to have an abortion just to fuck with you."

"Tastes like chicken! Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!"

Anti-choice assholes---yeah, 'pro-life' my ass----often whip out all three of these thins at women seeking abortion. This is because sex is only to have a baby, and here's this woman who's obviously fucked somebody, getting rid of it. That everyone should live by their standards is a foregone conclusion with these people; they feel they are the best people in the world, the most moral, the most upright, the most beloved by God, and probably they also think that it's not arrogance, but an accurate opinion of themselves. They think they're going to be raptured. They think they're going to ascend bodily into heaven. Converting or controlling other people gets them God brownie points. Alleviating peoples' suffering? Oh, no, they need to suffer to learn a valuable lesson. Really, it's very altruistic of the Xtians. Other peoples' suffering put those folks on the road to a torture-induced conversion, which gets you the toaster in the 'compete for cash and prizes" form of Xtianity.

Strangely, their victims are unappreciative. This is one of the dark strands in the fundie hatred against health care. People just aren't suffering enough. If the Xtians didn't get out of suffering themselves, then they're determined that nobody else should have it better. Compassion is for.....actually, Jesus was pretty fond of it. But let's just ignore all that inconvenient stuff.

Suffering of women can have a particularly satisfying bite, because they're having sex that the fundies didn't get to have, and besides, if they offer her any help at all----even though they have no intention of actually following through-----they're so much better than they actually could be. So they're only as good as they have to be. Otherwise, they're always looking for wiggle room.

Fight back. Knock the legs out from under them. Make them prove why it's bad----when it's not. What is bad is claiming to be virtuous and Xtian while being a sadistic, duplicitous prude.

Go forth and let me go lie in bed and whine because the whole throwing up thing is back, close on the heels of speculation about Rush Limbaugh's sex life. Sandra Fluke didn't make me throw up.

Comments

( 41 comments — Leave a comment )
happiestsadist
Mar. 6th, 2012 08:45 pm (UTC)
I'm not married, before I got fixed I took the pill to prevent pregnancy, and if I did somehow get knocked up, I'd abort without a second thought.

I refuse to cave in to the bullshit framing of birth control use as something that has to be apologized for, excused or a cause of shame.

Assholes want me to believe their shit? Fucking prove it, douchelords. "Jesus said so!" isn't proof either.

I like fucking. I like modern medicine, and will refuse to apologize for taking medicine that is designed for making sex without conception possible any more than I would apologize for taking Pepto-bismol so I can enjoy sesame things, or sunscreen, or advil for a headache.

Slut is a meaningless, ridiculous term that exists to oppress women and those who are read as women. As long as it's still used to hurt, I stand, saying I AM SLUTACUS. Chances are, if you're reading this, you're a slut to those assholes too. Stand with me.
witch_wolf
Mar. 6th, 2012 11:20 pm (UTC)
Yes, I believe in a women's right to choose and I don't give a flying fuck why she chose the way she did, not my life, not my body. If she wants to take birth control because she has sex with a billion different guys a night, so fucking what as long as it's consensual -- Why the fuck do I need to know. Opps the Birth Control didn't work or she didn't use any at all and she decides to get an abortion, none of my business -- None of your business.

Call me a Slut - I just don't give a shit - I will call you a fucking dipstick bigoted asshole in return.

Not all women are mothers or have the motherly insinct, I hate that - I get bingoed all the time with -- Oh it's different when it's your own. Or better yet, "I was like you until I had a child and now I love children."

Fuck no, and HELL NO - I don't want kids never had that desire to procreate or wanted to raise a child. I don't want to raise a child period. OVER AND OUT.

The women over a feministe are what I like to call patriarchy apologists, because they want to be mommies but want to before they have them have freedoms, and once they pop out a brat now they are rooter for the patriarchy because they want someone to fund their play dates and baby fashination.

A couple of years ago I got into a disccusion with two men who were pround of the fact that change their child's diapers, while admitting that they didn't do the dishes or picked up after themselves. They said that their wives prefered to do that job. And they say that their dad didn't do it, so it was imporvement over that wasn't it? They wanted to priased over diaper duty - I didn't -- I just simply said, it's your child right? Well they said that their wives would let them do it.

The bullshit about men "babysetting' their own child. I get pissed when men say that they had to babysit their child while their wife or girlfirend went out and how upset it makes them, because after all they aren't the mothers.

On abortion - In one of my counceling classes we had a case study where a women had PTSD from having an abortion that she wasn't ready to undertake, but was forced by her family, her husband, her pastor - because the fetus didn't develop a brain and would cause septicsima in her body if left in her body. The women did have the abortion she knew she had to do it but on her own tersm. There is a Pro-Lifer in the class that sais the women should have been forced to carry it to term even if her life was indanger -- What? Ha? I don't get it.
(no subject) - kittenmommy - Mar. 7th, 2012 01:14 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - realinterrobang - Mar. 7th, 2012 12:05 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - happiestsadist - Mar. 7th, 2012 12:17 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - flewellyn - Mar. 7th, 2012 02:28 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - rantinan - Mar. 7th, 2012 01:29 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - amethyst_hunter - Mar. 7th, 2012 06:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
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shakatany
Mar. 6th, 2012 09:07 pm (UTC)
It's getting crazy out there as others are picking up on what Limbug said - read about the hurt it caused beantown mom's daughter. We should all have buttons made saying "I'm a slut and I'm proud of it" or something.

Shakatany
shakatany
Mar. 6th, 2012 09:11 pm (UTC)
Just came across this - talk about fair play *g*

Shakatany
(no subject) - pbrim - Mar. 6th, 2012 09:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - cissa - Mar. 9th, 2012 05:06 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - bat_cheva - Mar. 12th, 2012 04:02 am (UTC) - Expand
ashcomp
Mar. 6th, 2012 10:18 pm (UTC)
I kind of like the "turnabout" legislative items linked by shakatany. They could all have benefited by one additional clause, though: a 24-hour waiting period for any purchase of ED drugs.

Also, perhaps a parental consent form for any purchase of condoms by males under 21?

Finally, how about limiting sales of condoms or ED drugs to one location per state?
ginmar
Mar. 6th, 2012 10:32 pm (UTC)
Hell, make them listen to a lecture about the dangers of ED drugs and so on. I can think of looks more stuff.
(no subject) - realinterrobang - Mar. 6th, 2012 11:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ginmar - Mar. 7th, 2012 12:09 am (UTC) - Expand
valarltd
Mar. 6th, 2012 11:13 pm (UTC)
I used birth control. I am a slut. I am a bad person.

And thus freed of societal and male expectations, and refusing to let them get me down, I can be who I always was.

I had my tubes tied after my 4th baby. All my sex is recreational, or as one misogynist put it "gay sodomy since there is no chance of conception." I corrected him with "my husband will be amused to find that out. And I'm quite sure sodomy take a LOT more prep work than we normally do."
happiestsadist
Mar. 7th, 2012 03:15 pm (UTC)
That's... something. How the fuck did he think you became a man after a tubal?
adelheide
Mar. 6th, 2012 11:32 pm (UTC)
When someone calls me a bitch out of spite, I smile sweetly and say, "Thank you!"

Never fails to stop them in their tracks. They just don't know how to react.
thediva_laments
Mar. 7th, 2012 02:59 am (UTC)
Yes! Me too. I have done this since high school and confused a lot of people.
lucretiasheart
Mar. 7th, 2012 12:20 am (UTC)
Right the fuck on!
kittenmommy
Mar. 7th, 2012 01:08 am (UTC)

What's wrong about being a slut? What's wrong about birth control? What's wrong about abortion?

Absolutely nothing, that's what. So why do we apologize for them?


AMEN.
flewellyn
Mar. 7th, 2012 02:32 am (UTC)
I think this year has been a turning point in the GOP war on women. I think they've finally gone too far for the American public. And it does my heart good to see people fighting back.
kittenmommy
Mar. 7th, 2012 03:44 am (UTC)

I wonder what they think would happen if all women everywhere just dropped dead.

I know they hate women and rejoice in their suffering/death, but I'm not sure they've thought their clever plan through all the way.
(no subject) - pbrim - Mar. 7th, 2012 04:34 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - kittenmommy - Mar. 7th, 2012 05:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - flewellyn - Mar. 7th, 2012 05:18 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - kittenmommy - Mar. 7th, 2012 05:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
kittenmommy
Mar. 7th, 2012 03:53 am (UTC)

Last but not least is the dreaded, "Well," pause, I'd never have an abortion myself but that's okay for other people." This is endorsing the idea that abortion is bad.

OK, I'm not honestly sure that that's the case. Someone can be pro-choice and yet not want to have an abortion herself for whatever reason(s) that she totally doesn't have to justify, because pro-choice.

I'm in favor of lots of things I'd never do myself. If I say that I'm all for legalizing pot but I'd never smoke it myself, does that mean I'm not really in favor of legalization? If I say I'm not against sodomy laws but have no desire to engage in anal sex myself, does that mean I'm a liar?

Pro-choice means exactly that. It's OK to say that you're in favor of other people doing something you'd never choose for yourself.

IMO, of course.
kittenmommy
Mar. 7th, 2012 03:55 am (UTC)
If I say I'm not against sodomy laws but have no desire to engage in anal sex myself, does that mean I'm a liar?

Am against sodomy laws. Arrgh, my brain sucks tonight.
(no subject) - ginmar - Mar. 7th, 2012 10:18 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - kittenmommy - Mar. 7th, 2012 10:47 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ginmar - Mar. 7th, 2012 11:08 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - kittenmommy - Mar. 7th, 2012 05:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ms_daisy_cutter - Mar. 7th, 2012 02:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - kittenmommy - Mar. 7th, 2012 05:30 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - happiestsadist - Mar. 7th, 2012 03:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - kittenmommy - Mar. 7th, 2012 05:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
ms_daisy_cutter
Mar. 7th, 2012 02:19 pm (UTC)
Sex was seen as the act of dirtying up a woman, unless she was your wife, in which case the sex was boring.

A year or two ago I saw some asshole on Fark (yeah, I know) claim that "freaky" (i.e., kinky) women were great to get it on with, but "you" didn't want one as a wife or the mother of "your" kids ("your" in the singular, of course, because the man is the one who actually "owns" them). I bet this guy cheats on his wife, or will cheat on his future wife, and blame her for being boring.

Rush Limbaugh would make a great stoning committee member for punishing alleged adulterous women.

But taking trips to the Dominican Republic to violate prostituted children? That's okay, I guess.

Maybe it's easier arguing with other women

Which sums up a lot of what's wrong with the feminist and, more generally, the SJ blogosphere. Woman-hating assholes like neo_prodigy are treated with kid gloves and given endless benefits of the doubt, but if you're a woman, you better monitor your opinions lest you upset someone.
( 41 comments — Leave a comment )

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