Oh, parenthood! My first embarrassing moment
God, I'm officially a parent. I've had my first embarrassing pseudo parental moment.

K found my vibrator.

She's already found my condoms.

Say it with me, parents. Her reaction was, "EW!"

I came out firmly in favor of masturbation, telling her there was nothing wrong with it, blah blah blah. Meanwhile, I tried to stay blase, but I was squirming inside. She was skeptical, but the talk then veered to periods and sex and boys. I explained what menstruation was, how the female body worked, and that she should wait till she was ready. Boys who try and blackmail you into sex are not your friend. That's a message I keep reiterating.

I realized I was having 'the talk' with a twelve-year-old girl.

It's times like this that I'm so grateful I worked in a dirty bookstore and got used to seeing the human being and stuff like that.

What is it with me and vibrators? It's like the Curse of the Pharaoh. I think that's the third one that's caused me some sort of cringworthy moment. There's the one that was stolen, the one that I think got recycle----my theory is that Abbie thought it was her battery-operate mouse toy----and now this. Gah.

And not to mention the wandering panties in my yard. They've pretty much traversed the entire yard. If the cops come out to the house again, I'm sure the panties won't convince them at all that I'm a child molester. Argh.